So, you want to be in the MILITARY???…

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So you want to be a badass, fire breathing, ass kicking, tabaco chewing US military member huh?

Well you are in luck! It just so happens that I have plenty of ammunition (information) for those who are looking to join the best and most powerful military force on this planet.

Before you even think about going down to see a recruiter these are the most important questions you must ask yourself.

      1. Why do I want to join the military?

If your reasons for joining the service include hating your mom, getting back at your ugly ex-girlfriend, traveling the world and/or I want to be cool… then you better think again!

The military isn’t for everyone, especially for those who think as I just described above. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t join the military if your mom is too tough on her little angle (you). Go ahead and signed on next to the X! This just means that your experience is going to suck that much more.

Traveling the world is a bunch of garbage, especially if you join the Reserves! Look kid, when the government owns you, there are 2 things and 2 things only available at your disposal; orders to follow and sucky duty stations. If everyone would be guaranteed to be stationed at Naval Station Key West then believe me, even terrorists would become American service members.

Cool isn’t written anywhere in the contract. If you think that because you want to join the Coast Guard you are now “cool”, you better not even waste your time. Being a service member makes you UNIQUE. Very few jobs in the military would label you a cool dude, at least in the eyes of veterans and people that are in the suck. Special Forces is definitely a cool guy’s job but only a very slim percentage gets to claim that label.   

       2. Which branch do you want to join?

You better do your homework and be sure what branch you decide to join. A quick guide to what branch to join is as follows:

-Navy: Never Again Volunteer Yourself (N.A.V.Y) almost no combat jobs, plenty of underway time, get ready to be called a butt pirate or semen (Seamen), go Seabess aka combat/construction monsters.

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-Army: Ain’t Ready for Marines Yet (A.R.M.Y). Plenty of opportunities to get shot at and blown up. Crappy sleeping conditions, MRE’s and a good source for going Special Forces.

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-Air Force: Unofficially called “The Chair Force” Living conditions of a prince, slim chances of getting killed, high chances of breaking a nail, good pilot options, not for adrenaline junkies.

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-Marines: My Ass Rides In Navy Equipments (M.A.R.I.N.E.S) Considered to be the most fierce fighter in the battlefield, more likely to get killed or shot. Exposed to the must crappy living conditions, there is a lot expected from you. You will part of the Navy, like it or not.   

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Coast Guard: Go Fish!

        3. Reserves or Active Duty?

 They usually have a higher bonus to go reserves, this is because it sucks to be in the reserves. It could be a good option for someone who doesn’t want to leave mommy 100%. Or for those who are too afraid of losing their GF to Jody (you will learn who Jody is, TRUST ME!)

If you want to join the military for schooling benefits reserves is a good option. However, not all branches have reserve school assistance available. The Army has something called Tuition Assistance, they pay a great percentage (if not all) of your college tuition.

As a reservist, you will have a double life with double the responsibilities. If you get a DIU you can get reprimanded both as a civilian and by your command, not apt for drunks!   

Ultimately, do your homework, don’t believe everything your recruiter tells you and don’t get blinded by a bonus. Research all jobs, all branches and compare benefits.

Good luck!

       


 

       

 

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